Very Serious Responses To Unintelligent Insults

Anonymous asked goshdarnbisexuals: 

Hey! Do you mind if I ask you THE question; how do you know if you’re bi? ~le questioning anon. PS. you’re amazing and I fancy you a little bit.

HO HO HO THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

Helloooooo Anon! That is thequestion, isn’t it? And here is the answer: Do you think you are Bi? Do you want to identify as Bi? THEN CONGRATULATIONS! *confetti* 

Honestly, the thing is that there are many, many different hues of bisexuality, and I would encourage research until you see something that makes you go “Oh! That sounds about right!”

The problem is, there’s so little (or poor) bisexual representation in the media, it’s difficult to compare oneself to something you’ve never seen!

So really, all I can do is share my own “Holy Crap BISEXUALITY” story! And, yes, Iknow no one asked, but sit down, shut up and listen.

(I define bisexuality as an attraction to my own gender and any other gender - I reference ‘guys’ and ‘girls’ a lot here, but I hope I don’t alienate anyone, and if I can make my terms more everyone-friendly please let me know!)

Basically, I had always been kind of like ‘well, girls though’, but I had never attached it to any sort of attraction. I appreciated beautiful girls, funny girls, clever girls. I got tongue-tied and assumed it was because my like me like me be my friend alarm bells were ringing.

I remember when once I was watching an old movie, and there were all these girls in a boarding school complaining about how badly they wanted to be kissed, and I was just like “BUT. WHY DON’T THEY KISS EACH OTHER.”

And when I imagined myself in moves or books (shut up we all do it) sometimes I had a girlfriend, I had a wife, I had a soulmate who happened to not be the type of soulmate that society said I should want to have.

BUT I MEAN. I STILL LIKED DUDES? So I wasn’t a lesbian. I even did a spot check. David Tennant? Still wanna rattle them bones. Jack Sparrow? He can hoist my mainsail any day. Andrew Scott? I’ll knock them boots. SO YEAH. Definitely not a lesbian! Okay, let’s resume normal services!

And the thing was… I never once considered bisexuality. Because bisexuality never once came to mind. Why would it! I had never seen anyone on TV who identified as bisexual! And sure, there was that Katy Perry song but… I mean, what I understood as bisexuality was shrouded with the idea that it was just a stepping stone to going ‘full gay’. It was just an attention seeking method. A way to look sexy. It wasn’t really real.

So I continued about my life. Safe in the the idea that I didn’t really like girls, because this was my imagination, right? And sure, I stuck pictures of Liv Tyler in my locker, but that’s because she was a badass elf! And SURE maybe I imagined kissing and being held by Emma Stone but come ooooooon these are CELEBRITIES! This isn’t REAL! Hahaha. Silly.

And then I met someone in real life. It was one of those wow you’re so great please like me let’s be friends thing that I never really recognised as a crush because HAHAH CRAZY TALK. She was funny, clever, and changed her hair colour like she changed her clothes. And then one night, we were at a house party, I was keeping an eye on her while lying on the couch (She was SUCH a lightweight, and I was ensuring she didn’t do damage to herself) and then suddenly she flopped down on top of me, put her head in my neck and went to sleep.

And I thought to myself: I am in so much fucking trouble. 

What did I do? I ask you, what did I do? I rationalised. This wasn’t a REAL crush! HAHA NO! No! Gosh no. This was just one of those, “girl” crushes. You know, where you like someone so much, you almost want to be them, or just be with them and smooch their fa- NO. NO  NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. No, this was just a silly girl crush! Yes! That’s it! I mean really, it’s just because I knew her so well that I felt like this! When I started to see the sexual appeal in random girls that I had never seen before in my life, then we would have something to discuss!

Did that happen? You bet your sweet ass it did. I still remember the exact day that I realised I liked girls. I was sitting in the library, studying for up coming exams, when I looked up and watched a girl walk the length of the hall. She had boobs, she had hips, she was fabulous and she knew it, she walked like she owned the goddamn place, and did it with the kind of smirk that let everyone know she was probably doing it with complicated medical text-books under her arm. 

I watched her walk, mouth slightly open, and suddenly became aware of the fact that as I watched her, in my mind I was singing Oh hot damn, this is my jam… 

WELL as you can imagine, the next hour was filled with “Wait. No. Wait. I still like guys. But also I like girls. But. Wait. Oh god, this is so confusing!” And then came the golden moment where I went: “If ONLY there was some way that I could like girls AND like guys!!!!” 

And then half a second later I slapped my forehead and went Ooooooooooooooooh. Holy crap, BISEXUALITY. I AM BISEXUAL. WOW. OKAY. HOLY SHIT.

And then the next year I went to America, took a class in Gender, Cultural and Sexual Bias in the Law, did my thesis on bisexuality because I wanted to learn more about myself and my people, I learned all sorts of new things, like how I absolutely do not have things ‘better’ just because I’m “half gay”, like how bisexuals have poorer mental health then lesbian and gay people because there are fewer support groups, etc, like how when New York was legalising gay marriage, they quizzed one woman on how she was sure she would never like men again? Really sure??? And I listened to all the goddamn bullshit Dan Savage spouts, and did my final thesis on Bisexual Erasure In The Law, and then set up this blog because godDAMN.

BUT THAT’S ANOTHER STORY. Anon, I can only tell you my experience. Only you can decide if you want to identify as bisexual! Because you don’t have to! You can just use the catch-all term ‘Queer’! Which I think is awesome, by the by. Basically, I think you are awesome. And I want to remind you that there is no giant label machine that descends from the sky and stamps your forehead. Guess who gets to decide what your sexuality is? YOU DO. And whatever you decide, I will be cheering on the sidelines for you!

OKAY SO NOW THAT WE’VE CLEARED THAT UP

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FANCY ME ‘A BIT’

HOW COULD YOU NOT BE MADLY IN LOVE WITH THIS FACE

I have a couple of sexy Anons awaiting answers, so this is just a quick post to make sure you know that I haven’t forgotten you, I am cradling your messages close to my chest and crooning at them, but they deserve well thought out responses so I making sure you get nothing but the best.

Nothing but the best for my handsome greyfaces, I tells ya.

On a side note, soon this blog will have reached 1,000 followers!

CAN YOU IMAGINE? 1,000 people who somehow manage to be attention seeking and non-existent at the same time!! (Not counting all our cool Bi-Bros simply supporting the cause. Props, guys, props.) In honour of this momentous occasion I am half wondering if we should do something special, but I’ll be damned if I can think of anything.

If you have any suggestions on how to mark this truly special event, then please get on to me and we’ll hash this baby out!

Peace Out, Yo